Hey All! It is Friday again, and it is time for 5 Minute Fridays. If you are new and are wondering what in the world 5 Minute Fridays are, let me share! Every Friday over at Kate Motaung’s blog, Heading Home, women from all over all write about a word for five minutes – no editing allowed. Just write for five minutes! You can join in HERE.
Today’s word is MISS.
In a few short weeks (I’m still sort of in denial), my oldest son Brock will graduate from high school. I know it sounds like a cliche, (but I guess cliches are used so often because they have some truth in them), but it really does seem like a very short time ago that he was going into sixth grade and I thought he was so big.
Now he’s a young man – one whom I admire for his character and strength of mind.
This past summer, my brother died by taking his life. It’s been hard and painful, but it’s times like this that are toughest. No matter how much time passes when you lose someone you love, grief can ambush you.
It ambushed me after my youngest son was in his first play. I kept thinking how my brother would have enjoyed seeing him and he missed it.
There was also an art show and I could just hear him exclaiming over one of Brody’s pictures, but he missed it.
Brock has won several awards and scholarships, most recently the Scholar/Athlete of the Year which is the first time anyone in the school’s history was picked as the winner out of a group of 15 other top student/athletes. I could just hear my brother’s exclamation, “That’s awesome, dude!” I could see him in my mind’s eye grabbing Brock’s hand and pulling him in for a guy hug, but he missed it.
From now on, everything that happens in our lives, he’ll miss. Some days that makes me really sad, and some days, it makes me really angry.
Unfortunately, when my brother made his decision to end his life, he wasn’t thinking of all he would miss. He was only thinking of escaping his pain. As life moves on and milestones come and go, I wish the things my brother would have missed would have loomed larger than the pain.
Blessings, Rosanne
6 Comments on 5 Minute Friday – MISS
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My heart goes out to you. I know this must have been a painful post to write. Hopefully you found some comfort in it as well – sometimes putting our pain into words can help flood us with a bit of relief – even if the tears come as well. I will pray for your brother and your family as you grieve the loss. Know that a merciful God holds you all in the palm of His hand.
Congratulations on your son’s achievements. Don’t miss out on the opportunity to relish his life, even as you mourn the life that has gone before. It sounds as though you are blessed with blooms along with the thorns.
Thanks so much for your kind thoughts and prayers. It has been a difficult road, but God has shown Himself so faithful and so loving. In many ways, while my brother’s death has been the hardest thing I’ve gone though, it’s also been beautiful too. I know that sounds weird, but God’s comfort has been so real to me through all of this. While I never wanted to lose my brother, God has brought some good through something that should have only bee horrible. Thanks again for stopping by! 🙂
This is hearbreaking, and yet tinged with hope. Thank you for not “prettying up” the real, but offering the perspective of love right through it, Rosanne. Stopping by for sweet fellowship from FMF.
Thanks for stopping by Angela! I love FMF because I get to meet so many new people. Thanks for your kind words, too.
Rosanne, loved your post! Sad for the loss of your brother. A suicide death is so complicated isn’t it? Knowing he made the choice to do it brings another layer of pain to the loss as well as knowing that his pain was so horrible that he felt that was his only option:(
praying for you as you have these ambushes. also as you adjust to this new stage of your son’s life. it will be an adjustment…and a bit of a loss too. but it will also open new vistas for all of you as well:) blessings in this new stage of your life.
Thanks for stopping by, Martha! My brother suffered from mental illness most of his adult life, so his death wasn’t completely unexpected, but it is certainly a more complicated grieving process. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and kind words!