So, I’ve been trying to be more purposeful in my blogging schedule and have posts for you, my lovely readers, on the same days each week.
The problem is, I have sat down about three times today to write a post for tomorrow (last week was super busy and my weekend was kind of full), and I realized I had absolutely nothing to say. People who know me will find that shocking because I talk. A Lot.
But I also haven’t felt all that hot today, either. I have a headache, and at the risk of too much information, I also have a touch of the nasty stomach bug going around. And to be really honest, I felt guilty about the fact that I don’t feel good. I felt guilty that I laid down and took a nap. I felt guilty that my to do list has been staring at me all day and I’m not really up to doing much on it. I felt guilty that, since I was lying around anyway, I wasn’t taking advantage of watching webinars or reading something educational or doing something that at least looked a tiny bit productive.
Coincidentally, my Sunday school class is currently going through this book by John Ortberg called All the Places To Go. It’s about going through divinely opened doors and having an open door mindset. We watched the first video this past Sunday, so I was going through the study guide this morning, and Ortberg was talking about when the 12 men went to spy on Canaan. When they got back, they were all impressed with the riches of the land. They were less impressed with the giants that inhabited the same land. They were intimidated by the big fortified cities that seemed impossibly difficult to overtake.
So 10 of the men said, “Let’s just go back to Egypt and be slaves.” Yep, you read that right. Because things looked too hard and they didn’t see how they could possible defeat these giants in their Promised Land, they wanted to give up the land and their freedom and return to slavery.
But two of the men, Joshua and Caleb, saw the same land overflowing with bounty, the same large, fortified cities and the same giants, but their response was completely different. Instead of saying we can’t, they said we can BECAUSE THE LORD IS WITH US. That phrase, that belief, gave them a completely different outlook on the situation.
Now you are probably wondering what in the world the connection could possibly be about defeating giants and having a sick day, but hang on – I’m getting there.
See, today, the door God has asked me to go through is one that is labeled rest and being still. But the truth behind why I am finding that so difficult today isn’t because I’m some productivity ninja (far from it!). It’s not because I have words I just have to write out. It’s not because I have a pressing deadline.
It’s because I’m afraid.
Afraid to get I’ll behind. Afraid I’ll miss something important by lying low. Afraid I won’t somehow “make it.”
I already feel kind of overwhelmed by life at the moment. I look at all the things that are coming up on my calendar, and I just want to go hide somewhere. While I am excited about some new writing projects and possibilities, I’m also afraid I am not up to the task. I don’t know how in the world I’ll have enough hours in the day to get it all done. All this fear is in spite of the fact that all God has asked of me is to be faithful with the hours I do have – not work into the wee hours or somehow manufacture more than the 168 hours everyone else has been given.
Why all the fear? Because I think I have to do it all in my own strength. Because I have forgotten that if God leads me to a promised land, HE will be the one who will defeat the giants that exist there – not me. The bottom line all this guilt and fear is rooted in my lack of trust that God is enough.
Enough is my word for this year, and over and over again, God keeps bringing me back to that truth. HE IS ENOUGH. Even when I feel less than capable or overwhelmed or stuck – God isn’t.
There’s a great verse that says, “Be still and know that I am God.” It’s in that stillness that I really see God and feel His presence. When I am busy and rushed, I miss His still, small voice because usually, God doesn’t shout. He calls softly.
So, what giants are stomping around in your Canaan? What battle are your trying to fight or what land are you trying to claim in your own strength? I’d love to hear about it!
Blessings, Rosanne