Today, I am linking up with the Grace & Truth Linkup over at Arabah Joy. You can find out more about it HERE.
I’m tired. I sat down this morning during my scheduled, blog writing time (I’m trying to be a bit more organized and intentional about my writing these days), and I stared at the wordpress page for a new post.
The title bar was empty and the white box underneath was empty, and I really had no idea how to fill it. Because I feel empty – all poured out.
I just got done doing a workshop at Converge 2016, a big teen conference. There were probably around 900-1,000 teenagers there and maybe 300 volunteers. While I am tired, I can’t imagine how exhausted the main organizers and leaders of the event are this week. I’m sure they’re feeling pretty empty, too.
The thing is, though, it’s not just Converge. I’ve been incredibly busy since the New Year. We had basketball season which is our family’s busiest time of the year since both my boys play and my husband coaches. Right after that a good friend had a baby shower which was quite large and elaborate. My youngest son was in the school play which consumed an entire weekend (not to mention all the back and forth to practices). He also plays baseball. Then a few weeks later, there was Converge.
In the meantime, I teach a women’s Sunday school class every week, and I volunteer at Guiding Light Ministries where I’ve recently taken on a bigger role. Now I’m on their board of directors, not to mention regularly meeting with the director and trying to be helpful in whatever ways that I can. In fact, I have a lunch meeting in a few hours today.
I have my son’s graduation party to plan and a birthday party to plan before that and a women’s brunch I’m helping with – did I mention I am the world’s worst event planner?
Not to mention, I am busier than ever with my writing – both on this blog and the children’s books I’m working on and the editing book that is slowly coming along and the idea that I should probably have some kind of website that ties the book writing and the freelance editing I do together somehow. Oh and learning to market all that stuff and master social media channels (of which, I am mostly clueless!), and taking a photography course so I can improve that, too. And I do have children and a husband and family and friends that need me and I’d like to see once in a while.
It just all feels like too much.
So, as I sat on my wicker love seat on my back porch this morning, I just felt empty – all used up and dried up with nothing left to give. I was feeling not just empty, but frustrated and overwhelmed and exhausted, too.
This was supposed to be the year that I said good-bye to overwhelmed and busy.
This was supposed to be the year where I slowed down and focused on less rather than giving pieces of my attention to more.
This was supposed to be the year where I concentrated on nurturing and growing relationships.
This was supposed to be the year that exchanged busy for abundant.
This was supposed to be the year I wrote a book on that topic because busy is killing us. I know it’s killing me.
Yet, this year, I’ve been busier than I’ve ever been.
So, this morning, I came to my quiet time, I came to the feet of Jesus with nothing to offer and nothing to give, and a lot of questions. He pointed me to Hebrews 11:1, “Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.”
And it felt like blinders fell off my eyes. We talk a lot about trusting God with our finances, but I don’t know that I’ve ever heard of anyone using the same principles when it comes to our time. And our time is a much more limited resource than our money. You can pick up an odd job and make a bit more money. You can set some money aside and save it. That isn’t true with time – we all have the same 24 hours every single day, and we can’t save slow hours for another day.
If I believe God is truly enough, if I believe He has equipped me to do what He has called me to do, if I believe that ultimately, the results are up to Him, NOT me, I can trust Him with my time. I can be faithful and obedient in setting aside a certain number of hours to work on the things I feel that He has called me to, and I can trust Him that it will be enough because He is enough. Like the 3 loaves and 5 fishes, when I give my time to Jesus and use it as He directs, He will multiply the results. When I refuse to be ruled by my to do list and instead surrender that to Jesus every morning so HE can direct my steps – even if that means interruptions and not getting done what I think needs to be done – He will bless my obedience much more than if I had ignored those promptings from His Spirit and tried to cross one more thing off my to do list.
My faith HAS to be in God and His abilities rather than in myself and my own abilities or the latest productivity hack or learning just one more thing or just pushing myself a little harder. Being faithful to our callings can so easily tip into doing it all in my own strength which ends up making me feel overwhelmed and discouraged – at least for me – because I am never enough. But Jesus is!
Like the plant that currently sits in my office, I was looking (and feeling) a bit parched and wilted around the edges. But Jesus if faithful to meet our every need. So, like the plant that perked up and reached toward the sun when I watered it this morning, I feel my own spirit soak up the Living Water and reach once again toward the Son, ready to grow and give and go.
Are you feeling a bit parched lately? Maybe a little empty? How is Jesus meeting you right where you are at? I’d love to hear about it!
Blessings, Rosanne