Today, I am over at Arabah Joy’s for her weekly Grace & Truth Linkup. Come check it out!
Some of my very favorite books are the Anne of Green Gables series. When Anne was feeling out of sorts, she would say that she felt rumpled in spirit.
I’ll be honest – this week, my spirits have definitely felt rumpled. In fact, I have felt sort of at a loss as to what to blog about on here. Have you ever felt like that – just sort of blah. It’s not like I’m feeling navy blue, more like light blue.
I think it is a convergence of a lot of things – the end of a whirlwind of activity for one thing. I had my last official event at my house on Monday, and while that is a relief, there is also a bit of deflation when you get past a period of a lot of busy. It’s kind of that same feeling you get after Christmas is over.
My dad is also doing a bit worse lately. His numbers have gone up (which is not good), and so he has had to up his chemo treatments. Not only does that mean more frequent trips to Columbus, but it also means more side effects for him.
Not to mention, the world seems to be going to heck in a hand basket lately. Sometimes, I feel like I’m Alice and I’ve tumbled down the rabbit hole and everything I thought I knew is upside down and sideways. My heart grieves for all the loss and pain and horror that happened in Orlando the other week. I can’t even imagine how difficult and dark these days are for the families of those who died.
I also feel rather bewildered by the backlash against Christians, too. It’s hard to hear people blame believers for this act of violence by someone who pledges allegiance to a belief system that is responsible for systemically killing Christians in the Middle East. It’s also, to be completely honest, kind of worrisome. It makes me fearful of the future and what that will bring. It makes it hard to know what to do or say, really. I’m feeling off balance.
Add to this a son entering a new chapter, and well, my spirit is definitely feeling a bit rumpled.
This morning, I went to my favorite place to spend time with God – my back porch. I started out just telling God how I felt – kind of sad, kind of confused and kind of blah. I didn’t even crack my Bible open. I just sat there, sharing that I didn’t know what to write or what to say or even which direction to take.
As I sat there, I took in my surroundings. Now, I live in a city neighborhood, so it’s not like I’m out in the country. But this morning, the birds were singing and it was beautiful. The squirrels were playing tag up and down the trees, and one intrepid little guy jumped onto the hammock in my neighbor’s yard. He had such a hard time getting out until he finally flipped himself out where he sat there for a minute, kind of stunned. I laughed out loud because, when you aren’t the one stuck in the hammock, it is pretty funny.
While the birds were singing and the squirrels were being goofy, a rabbit came hopping into view. It turned and looked at me, kind of cocking its head as if to inquire who I was.
It might seem odd to some, but God met me on my porch. The Creator used His creation as a balm to my wadded up, wrinkled soul. I found myself cracking my Bible open, a spirit of hope invading fluffing my spirit.
God is always good to meet us right where we are at. I don’t know why I persist in thinking I need to somehow clean myself up or put up a spiritualized front when I spend time with God. Maybe it’s because I think He has to get tired of me and my petty, human issues, my whining and my weaknesses. God has shown me again and again, though, that He is ALWAYS faithful – even when I am not.
He has the answers even when I don’t know the questions.
He wants to know me even when I feel not worth the effort.
He wants me to come to Him when I am weary even when I feel embarrassed by my weakness.
How about you? Are you feeling a bit rumpled in spirit too? Are you not even sure what to pray lately or like you’ve read the same verses over and over? God’s invitation to come to Him is a standing one – He is always open and He is always available. We never are too much of a bother or too much of an annoyance. His lovingkindness is everlasting and He wants to spend it on you. The question is, will you let Him?